I am hateful

I want to just quit. Give up. Flip my boss the bird on both hands and never look back. But I can't. Because we couldn't afford it. (And it wouldn't look so great when I decided I wanted to try to get a job again...)

There is no way that I could possibly go into all the details, but my boss had an hour-long talk with me on Monday and what all boiled down to I either try to be more like him or I'm out of a job at the end of the school year.

Some things I can change. I can sit at my desk less. I would argue that I wasn't at my desk all that much, and when I was, it was at the very end of classes. But since you can't argue with my boss, this means that unless I am on my plan, I am not allowed to sit at my desk.

And yet, he still sends out emails in the middle of the freaking day that he wants us to respond immediately to. ::shakes fist::

Yes, my classroom is dusty. And some things could be thrown away or organized better. Ok ok, I'll work on that.

But my classroom management? Are you freaking kidding me? And no one else has trouble with the 8th grade?

I CALL BULLSHIT.

My principal thinks that I should spend all of my time with the middle school students playing our percussion instruments. So I should reward their bad behavior by letting them handle very expensive school equipment. Sounds like a grand fucking plan to me.

And they should perform once a month. No.

Ok, so I can definitely do the drums with my 7th graders - most of them are good kids. Only a few difficult ones. And I have the instruments - enough to go around. But I do not have the curriculum materials to teach them. Drum circles just don't fucking develop out of no where. But does my boss offer to send me to any professional development? No. I'm supposed to fucking pull it out my ass.

This is all because he went to a conference in Indy a few weeks ago where he saw a middle school group perform a half-hour's worth of drum circle shit. And now he has to have that here.

Did I mention that he fucking went through my desk when I wasn't at school Thursday morning and berated me about my food stash? Invasion of privacy, anyone? I'm not the one hiding a mini fridge in my classroom like the primary teachers. But I get my ass reamed for a pop tart and some peanuts in a jar?

There were many other things that were thrown out at me. I'll spare you.

So I'm stuck. I know that I have to become an assertive kiss-ass if I want to save my own job.

This makes me irritable, depressed-like, upset - I can't sleep at night. I think of scenarios where harm is caused to my boss (not by me, of course!)

Baby Daven is going to grow up to be big and strong, and then he's going to come back and kick this guy's ass.